My paper I wrote for work was not accepted to a convention. I get it, I feel. I had a suspicion all alongside it was too fundamental, too small, too trivial. It was the primary paper I wrote. I had assist from one advisor who’s a wise mathematician however is aware of subsequent to nothing about machine studying. I’ve failed rather a lot this yr, really. Spent like six plus months actually working at OSCP, then failed it twice. I received unceremoniously rejected from FBI after I had been fortunately accepted into the pipeline a pair years in the past. Now an unceremoniously rejected paper. It was actually form of a aim, although — to attempt. I would like my life to be stuffed not with giving up out of concern, however with the crimson rejection stamp on one thing I’m making an attempt to do to make my life higher. I was the golden baby, now I’m making an attempt. And from the skin, it appears like all of my endeavors have gone stomach up. Eh. That is the awkward interval. The place I’m barging my head towards actuality and seeing what it says. Subsequent step? To attempt more durable, give extra. I do know it’s not sufficient. Loads of it appears like a insecurity. And oversight. Coaching clumsily at midnight when a bit of mentorship and steerage would go to date.
i’m gonna write a e book. That e book will almost certainly come to nothing at some place alongside the pipeline. Nearly the most effective i can hope for is that it will get printed and will get 2 opinions on amazon. It’s gonna be messy as fuck. That is okay with me. It’s bizarre however part of the failure feels liberating. Joyfully exposing. Now I inform individuals at work that this paper I labored so exhausting on didn’t get accepted.
And part of me is aware of that the road between success and failure isn’t that distant. I’m sensible sufficient to get the oscp, to get a paper accepted to milcom, to do fbi (if i actually wished it at this level, which i don’t). it’s extra. life is asking for extra sacrifice. it’s calling for extra from me. I had the balls to go and knock on the gate, and it’s responding with “extra”. that’s thrilling to me.
